I came across a very beautifully written poem this week that I wanted to share with all of you. This poem is titled "My Brain and My Heart Divorced," written by John Roedel.

My Brain and My Heart Divorced

my brain and
heart divorced

a decade ago
over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become

eventually,
they couldn’t be
in the same room
with each other

now my head and heart
share custody of me

I stay with my brain
during the week

and my heart
gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another

– instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week

and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:

“This is all your fault”

on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past

and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future

they blame each
other for the
state of my life

there’s been a lot
of yelling – and crying

so,

lately, I’ve been
spending a lot of
time with my gut

who serves as my
unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut’s plush leather chair
that’s always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up

last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head

I nodded

I said I didn’t know
if I could live with
either of them anymore

“my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,”
I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

“I just can’t live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,”
I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

“in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,”

I was confused
– the look on my face gave it away

“if you are exhausted about
your heart’s obsession with
the fixed past and your mind’s focus
on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either

there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment

there is only breath
and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out.”

this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves

and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs

I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs

before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said

“what took you so long?”

After reading the poem, It got me reflecting on my life. About all the choices I made in the past, my regrets, my mistakes, and all the other guilt that I carry. Those what-if moments have constantly clouded me. You know, I have this bad habit of being in the lowest of lows after something good happens to me; it’s like I'm not allowed to be super happy, As if Im questioning if I even deserve this.

I know I shouldn’t be too hard on myself. However, I have always been my own constant critic; I beat myself up for the wrong choices I've made. Reading the poem has reminded me to be grounded and to be kind to myself. Besides, this is all our first go in this life. No one really knows how to navigate it at all. I know that I should forgive myself for any wrong decisions that I have made to free myself from the guilt of causing pain to people close to me and live in the present.

The way the poem describes the heart being unable to let go of the past and the mind being consumed by the future really hits close to home. It made me realize that worrying about what lies ahead robs me of the joys of the present. I am slowly learning to redirect my energy towards the now, focusing on what I can control rather than being consumed by anxiety over the unknown.

Lately, I have been practicing mindfulness, striving to be fully present in each passing moment. I am slowly learning to let go and worry less about the future. I know that it is in the now that I have the power to make positive. I am learning to find the time to appreciate all the little things, like taking a moment to walk around, take a look and smell the beautiful flowers and just be in awe with all the beauty happening around me.

I have finally realized the importance of releasing regrets and anxieties. I now understand that I, too, deserve to be happy and that I need to cherish each moment as it comes. By focusing on the present and accepting my imperfections, I know that I will be ready to face the future with an optimistic point of view and a sense of peace and contentment.

I hope these words will also bring some positivity into your life. Remember to be kind to yourself and that you are not defined by any wrongdoings or mistakes you have made in the past. You are worthy, and you are loved.

#AlwaysAFlower Here's a Bougainvillea for you, to remind you that life is beautiful, and just like a flower we all have our seasons, may we all bloom where we are planted. ❤️

xoxo

Yza